LIFE-FAMILY-CAREER BALANCE OF AN OBSGYN WIFE-MUM

 LIFE-FAMILY-CAREER BALANCE OF AN OBSGYN WIFE-MUM

It’s been years and my trend of blogging and vlogging has changed significantly. If you ask me , a girl grew up and got more responsibilities. Those years of daily blogging right after work are long gone ; I was probably doing it to kill boredom or push the night as I always went home to a lonely and very quiet house . My weekends were for blogging and movies ; not any more . 

Well marriage and especially child birth happened . Marriage wasn’t an issue at all , I still vlogged actively when I was married , but a baby changes everything . Your priorities change and you know that you have an innocent human entirely dependent on you in the world . I would say that my marriage and childbearing happened at the right time ; right as I was completing my postgraduate studies . I am a very focused human and I tend to focus on one thing and give it my all ; Masters of Medicine is one of those things I devoted myself into with my heart and soul - a husband and a baby may not have fitted well in that crazy schedule and many hours of quiet studies and strict sleep and study patterns. True , a number of my relatives were worried that I was postponing the marriage subject forever into my mid thirties but it was well worth it and maturity plus financial freedom had set in before I got into the ‘pingu za maisha.’ 

When my first born ; baby-Q was born , I was thrown off balance . He thankfully came barely a week after my final postgraduate exams . I loved my solid hours of night sleep and day freshness - this disappeared with a new super-breastfeeder Ingoh-omwami baby.  I almost got into postpartum depression and I guess my friends/family couldn’t understand me ; how does a moneyed girl who can afford a million maids and everything she needs get stressed ? Postpartum blues are unique and different for each person due to previous lifestyles . I soon adjusted and snapped into full parenting sacrifice . I learned to take a back seat and delegate . I was a zombie for 6 months due to demanding exclusive breastfeeding. My businesses plummeted and I lost lots of income , my research publishing enthusiasm disappeared(my postgrad professor still awaits my manuscript; I told him to wait till I finish my reproductive cycle), and I stopped focusing on my looks and make-up ; as long as I was clean and with some brain freshness , that was sufficient for me . The new life of having outsiders ‘read maids’ in my house also quite stressed me ; how was I reliant on strangers in my own space ?? My privacy went , my habit of hiding memorabilia disappeared - I no longer cared as long as baby was healthy and fed . 

I started work as a consultant a few months after childbirth . I had outbursts ; I couldn’t understand inefficiencies in the public system especially by fresh men who were not breastfeeding . It was frustrating to adjust . Then came weaning season when baby wouldn’t sleep due to stomach aches and constipation yet I had busy clinics to run and major surgeries on subsequent days . I wondered how I would cope with patient safety in mind. I also live 23Kms from my work place so the idea of driving down with a sleepy head always scared me lots . I used to literally whisper to my baby to sleep well in the night because we were operating on Kajuju or Kawira the next day ; and somehow it worked .  I also did the mistake of hosting in this season ; unadvisable!! The thought of balancing my own sanity , a demanding baby , a busy career and a guest was baaaaaad!! I almost flipped . I remember one day parking my car under a tree and sleeping because the thought of going home to a relative who also expects my attention in my mental fatigue was tiring . So nowadays , I politely decline any unnecessary visits if my schedule is crazy. 

By 9 months , baby was sleeping all night and I had a very reliable nanny . I was fresh and back on my game . It took one senior friend in a related speaciality to introduce me to after-work private practice . He is one colleague who believes in my potential very much and he would always ask me to bounce back from too long a maternity mentality. He even offered me an office space free of charge ; I’m grateful. So I bounced back . I made my first good lump-sum cash  within a week of practice courtesy of him calling me to do a quick major emergency surgery on a client who insisted on a female Muslim Gyanecologist in private; patient paid upfront in cash. That jolted my mind into exploring my potentials and learning to balance . From there it was an upward trend with a fresh mind , a well settled household and a fulfilling clinical practice . I must confess that I probably over-did it sometimes ; it’s like I was paying back for the previously lost few months. There are weeks I would do up to 8 major surgeries in a week far and beyond  and still exceed my public practice expectations. My public clinic became overbooked and my name was spreading fast . I realized that it was possible to be a mother , a wife and Gynaecologist after all. 

I have however have had to create boundaries . I stopped over-doing private work ; I had to drop a few clinics so as to maintain a healthy life balance . I learned that money hunger wasn’t everything , I give my public day job utmost importance , I don’t pick calls after work unless hospital emergencies and I selfishly create some time exclusively for baby and husband. The idea of another baby even popped up( you never know!! check this space ). 

So dear patient , if I insist on surgeries on particular days ; it takes some planning and balance . When I don’t pick any calls post working hours ; it’s because I have designated hours for clients that I have sacrificed away from my family , when I don’t blog/vlog as much it’s because a day only has 24 hours surprisingly, when I don’t entertain coffee dates - it’s because hours are  tight , and when you see in scrubs and rubber shoes mostly - it’s because it’s an easier dress code with no worry on ironing , fashion or discomfort . 

Motherhood made me discover that I’m stronger and versatile that I imagined , I became tough and focused ( if a maid brings nonsense; they go - I won’t be stressed by work and by an employee), my priorities changed (if you see me with same old car, it’s serving me very well and I’m probably deep into a huge fulfilling investment for my babies), if you see me quiet and somewhat in my own world world, it’s because sometimes I selfishly and unapologetically want space, I don’t work over weekends unless very necessary and I don’t pick unnecessary calls or chats in my family time . For my clients , I would do anything to ensure your safety  and career progression is something I’m passionate about . In the near future expect more babies, more balancing and more school for career progress.